笑话集锦―精华篇

[abkl]

>From: "Aslam Zahir"
>To: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
>Subject: Sentiments
>Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2004 10:26:42 +0300
>
>I recently read that love is entirely a matter of
>
> chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
>
> toxic waste.
>
> - David Bissonette
>
> ===================================================
>
> When a man steals your wife, there is no better
>
> revenge than to let him keep her.
>
> - Sacha Guitry
>
> ===================================================
>
> Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
>
> desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
>
> out.
>
> - Montaigne
>
> ===================================================
>
> After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a
>
> coin; they just can't face each other, but still they
>
> stay together.
>
> -- Hemant Joshi
>
> ===================================================
>
> By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be
>
> happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a
>
> philosopher.
>
> -- Socrates
>
> ===================================================
>
> A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking;
>
> the husband gives and the wife takes.
>
> ===================================================
>
> Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
>
> from achieving them.
>
> -- Dumas
>
> ===================================================
>
> The great question... which I have not been able to
>
> answer... is, "What does a woman want?
>
> -- Freud
>
> ===================================================
>
> The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.
>
> They gave him love and he invented marriage.
>
> ===================================================
>
> I had some words with my wife,
>
> and she had some paragraphs with me.
>
> ===================================================
>
> "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two
>
> years."
>
> - Sam Kinison
>
> ===================================================
>
> "There's a way of transferring funds that is even
>
> faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
>
> - James Holt McGavran
>
> ===================================================
>
> "The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at
>
> home too much."
>
> - Colin Chapman
>
> ===================================================
>
> "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one
>
> left me and the second one didn't."
>
> - Patrick Murray
>
> ===================================================
>
> My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long
>
> as I don't enjoy it.
>
> ===================================================
>
> The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to
>
> keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
>
> -- Groucho Marx
>
> ===================================================
>
> You know what I did before I married? Anything I
>
> wanted to.
>
> -- Henny Youngman
>
> ===================================================
>
> A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
>
> wrong.
>
> -- Milton Berle
>
> ===================================================
>
> Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the
>
> enemy.
>
> -- Anonymous
>
> ===================================================
>
> Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be
>
> reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
>
> ===================================================
>
> A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife
>
> wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They
>
> all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
>
> ===================================================
>
> Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer
>
> contains small traces of female hormones. To prove
>
> their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and
>
> observed that 100 of them started talking nonsense and
>
> couldn't drive...
>
> ===================================================
>
> First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
>
> Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
>
> ===================================================
>