笑话集锦―精华篇

[keai]

暴笑。。。

[penguin]

一個男人和一個女的在床上纏綿突然，女人的丈夫回來了，

女人就對那個男人說：

「你快點站到角落去，一直到我說可以動你才可以動。」

說完就在男人身上灑一些石膏粉．．．

丈夫問：「怎麼有一座石膏像在那裡？」

女人說：「我看強尼太太家也有一座，挺好看的所以也去買了一座。」

隔天丈夫起床後，就拿了一塊麵包到石膏像前，說：

「快吃吧！我在強尼太太家站了一整個晚上連杯水都沒喝呢！！」

[Lovelove]

又係睇過gei

*:P

[penguin]

有一天........
有一位服裝豔麗的女子, 走進了一家便利商店, 在經過精挑細選後, 挑好了商品後走到了櫃台, 二話不說就丟出了一張千圓大鈔.....

經過店員驗證後!!

店員以一付很不屑的表情說:"小姐這是偽鈔耶"

女子驚呀的喊出:完了!!!!我被強暴了!!!!!!!

[fengyue_xyj]

[最大众的短信]遭遇非典才知道自由呼吸的可贵，隔着口罩才知道面目真实的可贵，非常时期的思念显示出我们友谊的珍贵！
[最大补的短信]白萝卜、橘子皮、生姜、葱白、香菜精神抖擞：“为增强大家呼吸道防护能力，我们赴汤蹈火，请煲汤给全家喝吧！”

[最古典的短信]典韦为救曹操与胡车儿赤手搏斗，曹操逃。曹操后知典韦无兵器，泣：典危矣！非典，必死也！

[最压韵的短信]非典真的厉害,已经有人受害,为了避免伤害,口罩一定要戴,心情保持常态,才能免受其害,最后祝你天天愉快.

月色浓浓如酒，春色轻轻吹柳，桃花开了许久，不知见到没有，病毒世间少有，切忌四处乱走，没事消毒洗手！

[最严厉的短信]哥哥你上班，口罩要捂严。上楼爬楼梯，午饭方便面。两眼别乱看，眼神也传染。别拉小姐手，我知道了可没完！

[最罗嗦的短信]最高指示：饭前便后要洗手；出外归来要洗手；乘车之后要洗手；摸东摸西要洗手。

[最柔情的短信]我轻轻缠绕你的耳际，温柔触动你的脸颊，甜蜜亲吻你的嘴唇……呵呵，我是口罩，记得戴我哟！

[最讨巧的短信]不戴口罩显出你面容的美，戴着口罩突出你眉目的美，戴不戴口罩你在我心中都是最美。

[最故事化的短信]一老太耳背，近日常听人说“非典”，老太嘟囔：“怕费电，别开灯。”

[最朴实的短信]“亲爱的爸爸妈妈，你们好吗？我在北京挺好的，非典我早就预防过啦”

[最理想的短信]非典时期非常的你，不带口罩不咳嗽，不喝中药不发烧，天天逛街不感冒，非典克星就是你

[最不可行的短信]防非典偏方：口罩里夹床棉被，拿东西全凭两腿，睡觉与老婆背靠背。


[其他]
非典的几种死法:带口罩闷死;喝中药毒死;同事染病被吓死;出差疫区回家被亲朋躲避郁闷而死;被误诊瞎治治死;公共场所打喷嚏被扁死

亲爱的用户，据调查发现，所有爱滋病患者都没得非典，因此可以相信爱滋病病毒能有效防治非典，请您及早到就近医院接种爱滋病毒疫苗，以预防非典！

疫情传得挺怪，心情变得很坏，担心你被传染，劝你不要太帅，室内保持通风，公共场合少呆，出门口罩要戴，睡觉被子严盖，心情保持愉快，少接吻多吃菜。

[fat]

终于鼓起勇气看完了

[fat]

100了

[fat]

100

[abkl]

>From: "Aslam Zahir"
>To: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
>Subject: Sentiments
>Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2004 10:26:42 +0300
>
>I recently read that love is entirely a matter of
>
> chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
>
> toxic waste.
>
> - David Bissonette
>
> ===================================================
>
> When a man steals your wife, there is no better
>
> revenge than to let him keep her.
>
> - Sacha Guitry
>
> ===================================================
>
> Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
>
> desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
>
> out.
>
> - Montaigne
>
> ===================================================
>
> After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a
>
> coin; they just can't face each other, but still they
>
> stay together.
>
> -- Hemant Joshi
>
> ===================================================
>
> By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be
>
> happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a
>
> philosopher.
>
> -- Socrates
>
> ===================================================
>
> A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking;
>
> the husband gives and the wife takes.
>
> ===================================================
>
> Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
>
> from achieving them.
>
> -- Dumas
>
> ===================================================
>
> The great question... which I have not been able to
>
> answer... is, "What does a woman want?
>
> -- Freud
>
> ===================================================
>
> The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.
>
> They gave him love and he invented marriage.
>
> ===================================================
>
> I had some words with my wife,
>
> and she had some paragraphs with me.
>
> ===================================================
>
> "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two
>
> years."
>
> - Sam Kinison
>
> ===================================================
>
> "There's a way of transferring funds that is even
>
> faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
>
> - James Holt McGavran
>
> ===================================================
>
> "The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at
>
> home too much."
>
> - Colin Chapman
>
> ===================================================
>
> "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one
>
> left me and the second one didn't."
>
> - Patrick Murray
>
> ===================================================
>
> My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long
>
> as I don't enjoy it.
>
> ===================================================
>
> The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to
>
> keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
>
> -- Groucho Marx
>
> ===================================================
>
> You know what I did before I married? Anything I
>
> wanted to.
>
> -- Henny Youngman
>
> ===================================================
>
> A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
>
> wrong.
>
> -- Milton Berle
>
> ===================================================
>
> Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the
>
> enemy.
>
> -- Anonymous
>
> ===================================================
>
> Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be
>
> reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
>
> ===================================================
>
> A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife
>
> wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They
>
> all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
>
> ===================================================
>
> Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer
>
> contains small traces of female hormones. To prove
>
> their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and
>
> observed that 100 of them started talking nonsense and
>
> couldn't drive...
>
> ===================================================
>
> First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
>
> Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
>
> ===================================================
>

[milky lotus]

so funny